Tony remembers taking his son, Joey, then two and a half years old, to a group of specialists. Tony and his wife, Sandy, were desperately in search of some answers. From the time Joey was born, Tony and Sandy knew that something wasn't right. He screamed constantly, he didn't make eye contact, and he hadn't spoken a word.

The Flores' pediatrician said that Joey and his older brother Sammy were just boys. Leave them alone, he told them, they're developing a little slowly, but they'll get over it.

Tony and Sandy weren't content to leave their boys alone. "Sandy absolutely knew that something was wrong," says Tony. "I did, too, but I didn't want to admit it."

While Tony and Sandy sat in the waiting area of the Developmental Evaluation Center in Raleigh, N.C., a team consisting of a psychiatrist, a social worker, and an occupational therapist assessed Joey. Then the team came out to talk with the Flores family.

"Joey has autism," they said.

The Flores family had certainly heard the word autism, but they knew precious little about the disorder. In the ensuing months, they learned everything they could about autism. They began to understand why Joey had trouble with socialization skills and why he didn't speak.

As they learned about autism, they suspected that their first son, Sammy, might be autistic as well. Fourteen months after Joey was diagnosed with the disorder, Tony and Sandy had Sammy evaluated. The result confirmed their fears — Sammy also had autism.

"It was like everything we had went down the toilet," Tony recalls. "Our dreams were shattered in a year and half."

The Flores family had to face some daunting realities. Their children both needed many hours of specialized instruction and individualized attention. They needed careful instruction to learn gestures and social skills that most children develop on their own. One of the parents had to stay home with the boys, and Tony was the logical choice. A former football player at Arizona State University, Tony had the physical presence and the patience to take care of Sammy and Joey.

So in 1993 Tony Flores gave up his job as the manager of a grocery store to become the primary caregiver for two autistic boys. And so began an odyssey for Tony and his family that has transformed all their lives.

As he sits in his living room in Raleigh, N.C., Tony Flores is quick to point out that caring for two boys with autism is a struggle. "Joey and Sammy are best friends and they are their best supporters. They're really good for each other. But there are times when they are literally at each other's throats."

Since Tony began staying home with his boys, he has aggressively pursued all the information he could get about the disorder. He attends autism conferences, takes advantage of the Internet, and has become a leader of autism support groups in his community.

And he has learned that the vast majority of people in his community and beyond still do not understand autism.

"We take Joey and Sammy to public places every chance we get. We tried to go to the mall every weekend to get them to interact with people. And it was amazing to see the dirty looks and nasty comments we got.

"When the boys were diagnosed with autism, we had a solid groups of friends. Today, we only have one of those friends left. The rest of our friends faded away — they were simply scared of autism."

But Tony has seen his family flourish despite the inability of many people to accept autism. He has made sure that Sammy and Joey had the tools and the support they need to live up to their potential. And the results have been impressive.

At age 4, after some doctors told the Flores family that Joey would need to be institutionalized and might never speak, Joey spoke his first word. In a matter of months, Joey added hundreds of words to his vocabulary. Sammy, who stopped speaking for a while, began putting words together again at age 7. Today, Joey, 9, and Sammy, 10, attend public schools in Raleigh; they attend special education classes, but they're also mainstreamed with other kids.

While Tony and Sandy have dealt with the special needs of their boys, they have expanded their family. In 1998, their third son, Matthew, was born. Matthew was evaluated for autism when he was 3, and he does not have the disorder.

"It was a hard decision to have a third child, but we wanted to try," says Tony. "As a couple, we have learned that we can get through anything."

"I would never have thought in 1994 where I would be today," says Tony. "I knew the bottom, and I learned what we could endure. We can laugh about things that other people cry about. And our boys have taught us things that nobody could ever teach us. I don't know how to explain what they've given to me. I just know that I wouldn't be the same person without them."

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